Mikes Thoughts

wandering here

The whole thing with writing changes for me and I find a thing and want it. Take some tastes. Miss some things. Like others. I tried for a week to like obsidian. It seemed this perfect match for writing. I think I knew I would not simply last. I never do. It’s just easier to write in 11ty and using the few apps I do. There’s something that feels good about using it. Like this wonderful me and the words feeling. I like that feeling.

Now coffee and such

Lately I’ve been a bit frustrated here with things. I’m not a perfect expat. I can’t just be all happy happy good good here. Part of this writing is to find the things. The human things. Since I am not godlike I have a number of failings. Today I grabbed the things and walked down the street to V Cafe.

v cafe

Here with my trusty iced americano and some distance from the house I can sort out things. Writing and life things. Both seem intertwined and coalesced and I make changes when I want. There’s no rhyme or reason. The other conflicting variable is not enough or good sleep. We had kids staying with us and this morning I do not know the 2 year old slept on the floor by the bed. So I almost stepped on her. After awhile she woke up and wandered out. It left me befuddled. And rather needing this break. So I broke other things in a rampage of change.

Like the daily journal for me, the writing most important is now. Old things can stay or go. Those are things that happened. I could lie about them and make claims I did not know or I made bad life choices at some point. Here’s the fucking thing.

Who doesn’t make bad life choices?

I don’t consider my life here a bad choice. I found this final happiness where my broken sense of happiness can live. Found this Khmer woman that cares and takes care of me. Found a life that really eluded me for decades. It was never about bad choices then. We choose things. Do them. Are they bad then? I think with the wonderful sage of time spent we can cast shade on things and think a thing we did for the best of reasons then became bad. How does it happen? Well we are human. And all is change. And we are victims and we rise above. And we do both. So it is with my life and writing and feelings.

I know when I need to break a thing. So I do. Now I sit with morning coffee down the street. Blue skies and a Cambodia morning rise to greet me. I’m blessed and damned but aren’t we all. I found a person J and somehow my daughter in America decided that I have blundered. It’s those damned life choices. She holds me to a standard I could never reach. Because I am only human.

What I do know is what I have now even if I complain or drink too much on occasion is the life I have needed and wanted. The best woman to have is a Khmer woman I am pretty sure. So fuck the past life choices. Today I get new chances to make some choices that someone to come will say,

That was a bad life choice.

Well fuck on off. Future person. You have not done what I have or found or lost my things. You cannot judge me. Especially about the past in which you had no participation.

My thoughts

My blog. Yeah. I will never cease writing my things. Sometimes where changes. I figure you are all busy adulting so you can deal. Now I’m back on 11ty. It gives me pleasure. I’m done with obsidian thankfully. You can find me here until it all changes again.